Dear Friendships

True friends are hard to come by as an adult. At least that's what I've noticed. Can I get a witness?? 

I look for authenticity. A person that is real with me. A person that doesn't gossip. I look for someone who wants the best for me, who supports my endeavors and who is willing to stand up for me. But I also want someone who is willing to put me in my place when I need it. Someone who loves me so much that she wants to see me grow spiritually, even if that means she has to tell me some things that would be hard to hear. There's a difference between pointing out someone's faults, and pointing someone back to Jesus. If a friend is trying to point you back to Jesus then you know she is doing it in love. When a friend is walking with the Lord, they desire the best for you, because they love you like Christ loves you. Even when you disappoint them, they are willing to pray for you and stick it out.

I had one of these true friend's confide in me about a struggle she was having with not getting what she felt her family deserved. They had been working so hard saving money, paying off debt, and making good financial decisions only to find out that their home had lost value. If they sold it they wouldn't be able to upgrade to a nicer home. All those years stuck in a neighborhood they didn't love, with neighbors that were living off the system, getting welfare and food stamps, popping out babies and not doing anything to better their situation. My friend even said that she was sure the neighbors had stolen diapers from her diaper delivery service that had been sitting on her front porch. It enraged her that these people were doing everything wrong and getting away with it, yet her family was working so hard to do everything right and seemed to be getting nothing from it.  She didn't like feeling this way and knew that it sounded so petty (first world problems) but it's just how she was feeling.

It's funny because when the problem is not my own I feel like I can see so clearly what the Lord is trying to teach her in all this. I value this friend so much because she knows that how she is feeling is not right, but she's real enough to share it with me. And then, what I love even more about her is that she accepts the response that the Lord has given me for her. It's important to listen to the Holy Spirit when a friend is in need and then respond with what He is telling you. A friend that is walking with the Lord is humble and teachable. They will listen and take it in because they don't want to be defined by their sin.

So I asked her if she had been praying for her neighbors? Had they invested at all in the opportunity to help a family in need? God has a purpose for giving them those particular neighbors and the reason was not to enrage them, but to grow them. Grow their love. It's easy to love kind people, but it takes Christ in you to love people who don't seem deserving. (Luke 6:33-35)
Another thing the Spirit showed me is that a lot of times what you hate in someone else is actually a direct reflection of the sin in your own life. Of course no one wants that reminder in their faces everyday so we judge the people committing our secret sin because we know someone needs to get punished for it! In this case, my dear friend was judging her neighbors for being entitled, when in fact she was being entitled with God. She felt that because they had worked so hard, they deserved better from God. Her struggle with her own entitlement was causing her to hate her neighbor. Isn't it amazing what sin can do?? Praise God for my sweet friend and her teachable spirit. God was able to speak to her heart in that moment and reveal some things she needed to hear.

Btw if there is someone in your life that drives you crazy, pushes your buttons and makes you angry, then take a good long look in the mirror and ask yourself, "What sin am I struggling with in my life that is reflecting back at me through this person?" Then do some soul searching. Spend time in God's Word and ask Him to show you. And if you have a trusted Christian friend that is walking with the Lord, ask them what they think. But make sure you are ready to hear it. Ask the Lord to humble you and make you teachable.

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid. Proverbs 12:1 (ESV)


Ok so I think "stupid" is a little harsh, but hey if the Bible says it!! 

My encouragement today is to BE that friend who is willing to receive advice. Be that friend that doesn't want to stay in a place of struggle, but wants help. Be humble, be teachable, and be loving. Don't lash out. Don't let pride get in the way. I want us to raise the bar when it comes to friendships! Step it up people! Love like Christ loves, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and ready to forgive when your friend messes up. I can't tell you how many times I have messed up or said something hurtful without meaning to, and the friends that have forgiven me are the ones I value more than ever. Don't accept your friends faults as a permanent thing, offer to help in prayer, accountability and encouragement, and expect the same thing when it comes to your own faults. If your christian friend is gossiping, call her out in love! If your married christian friend is flirting with another man, pull her aside and ask her for a heart to heart moment with you about it. From that loving moment of accountability might come an outpouring of truth that could set her FREE! 

I want to fight for my friends. I want to stand in the gap for them when they are struggling, and I want friends who are willing to fight for me. 
What do you say friends, can we raise the bar with our christian friendships?? 
Look at Jesus' relationships with His disciples. He was teaching, loving, healing, correcting and encouraging. They couldn't return the favor to Him because He was without sin, but we are all with sin so let's be that for each other! Let's be a friend like Jesus.