Because it wasn't about ME.
Now I didn't give gifts out to all my friends or feed the homeless or anything, (although now that I think about it, I should do that for a birthday someday!!) BUT this birthday was my first "best birthday yet" because something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I was practically Defying Gravity.
(If you didn't get that musical theatre reference then never mind, just keep reading)
You see, I used to be a VERY selfish person. I was so selfish that I didn't even know I was selfish. I just thought I liked things the way I liked them. And I wanted things the way I wanted them! Isn't everyone like that? I think another good word for me was spoiled. Spoiled and selfish.
I mean I probably came across as a sweet and kind person, but once you got to know me, watch out! The real me would eventually come out.
I was always looking for ways to get more, or do more, or satisfy what I wanted. I used friends who had talents or abilities that would benefit me, and my excuse would be, "well they are giving it to me", or, "they aren't charging me because we are friends!" But come on, if a friend wants to gift you something out of the kindness of their heart you should ALWAYS do something kind for them in return, i.e. write a kind note telling them how grateful you are, take them out to lunch, give them a huge gushy shootout on Facebook, you know, just something to show you appreciate their kindness and generosity. So yeah, I rarely thought to do things like that. I was too busy being happy about what I got.
I mean, I LOST friends over my selfishness. I almost lost my marriage. I spent so many years of our marriage dwelling on how I felt, "why doesn't he know what I need right now?" or "why is he just sitting there while I'm doing everything, why won't he help me?" and "I'm not happy. I don't even love him anymore" Talk about dwelling. I had an internal dialogue going on with myself all the time about how unhappy I was.
The scary thing is that no one thinks about how selfishness leads to sin. I mean it IS a sin, but it leads to MORE sin. Selfishness should not be taken lightly.
Unfortunately we live in a society that encourages selfishness. Every ad or magazine you see is about YOU and how to make yourself look better, or how to make yourself more happy. Imagine if you saw a magazine with big words advertising "How to put others before yourself" or "5 ways to be humble" or here's a doozy, "How to submit to your husband and let him be the head of the house"….ha! That one would never fly! Society doesn't want women submitting to their husbands, that's oppression! Society doesn't want you to be humble, that's weakness! Society doesn't want you to put others first, they wouldn't make any money!
We live in a world that screams "It's good to be selfish!"
Well I've had enough. And so did God all those years ago…that's why He sent His son down to us, to die for our sins, because we would have too many to ever be able to be with Him in Heaven. Even just one sin is too many.
So back to this being my best birthday yet…it's because for the first time in my life, I wasn't thinking about what I was going to get, I wasn't expecting perfection from those around me, and I wasn't even thinking about what I wanted. I was just thankful to be alive, to be turning another year, and to have family around me that LOVE me. Whoa! What crazy things to think on your birthday!
Not really. These are what we SHOULD be thinking. A birthday shouldn't be a day where you get a free ride to be selfish. It should be a day where you are truly celebrating the gift of LIFE that God has given you, how you don't deserve it, but that His grace has brought to this point. You have breath in your lungs because He put it there. What a gift. A gift that so many take for granted.
So how did I reach this realization? How did I go from expecting everyone to bend over backwards making my day special (only to be completely ungrateful and depressed when it didn't happen), to becoming someone who is just thankful to be alive??
It's called Grace. I reached such a low point in my sin and selfishness that I desperately needed God's GRACE. I needed forgiveness.
The cool thing is, the second you realize you need it, it is given to you. God is so ready for you to come to Him.
God's grace for me has transformed my life. I am a new creation because I realized what His gift of grace is, and I am truly humbled by it.
From that point on I began putting God first, and I would stop myself the second I started having that negative internal dialogue. I started turning complaints into prayers, and worries into praises. I began reading my Bible everyday, and surrounding myself with people of the same mindset. Selfish peers had to go, because it was like I was in rehab, and I couldn't be near what would cause me to stumble.
I started reading Jesus Calling by Sarah Young and it played a huge part in transforming my mind from thinking inward to thinking outward. Thankfulness is the key to joy. It took almost 2 years of transforming…but I finally got here.
(And just to be clear I am NOT saying, "I have arrived, I'm perfect now and don't need anymore refining!" No way!) I will always be a work in progress. But praise God He is finally able to shine through this little life of mine because I'm not in the way mucking it up anymore!
So I hope this encourages you today. It's my story. If you feel like you might relate to any of it then I encourage you to talk to God about it. If you're thinking, wow I think I might be kind of selfish and didn't even realize it, then good! That's the perfect place to start your grace journey with the Lord! In order to truly be a follower of Christ (which is supposed to be what being a "Christian" means) you need to:
1. Turn from your selfish ways
2. Take up your cross
3. Follow Him.
Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. NIV
Praise God that by obeying Him with those 3 things my marriage has been saved, friendships have been restored, and my life has purpose and joy. My birthday wish is that everyone could experience His Grace. And since prayers are more powerful than wishes, it is my prayer for you.
Thank you for reading. God bless. #beacrown
