Dear Control

I am one of those people that wants everyone to feel happy and comfortable.  I get this from my mother. When we were growing up (and still to this day) she would try to plan activities so that we were all happy and taken care of. She had pure intentions, but unfortunately sometimes she would come off as controlling and irrational, thus producing arguments and tension from her children, completely rendering her attempts at "having a great plan" useless.

But of course, as an adult, you don't realize right away that you are becoming your mother.
So when I would throw parties, plan events, or have people over for dinner, I would always be sure no one was feeling left out, everyone was enjoying their time, and that we could all walk away better, having had that experience.

It's been the same when it comes to Bible studies too. I want the women to understand the material, with no distractions, so that they can all get something out of it to better their walk with the Lord.

It all sounds good and fine, right?

But the question is, if my main focus is making sure everyone is happy and comfortable, am I really focusing on what Jesus wants, or my own agenda?

I recently learned a big lesson that I want to share with you because I think there are more of you like me than we realize. Especially those of you who are mothers and wives.

Moms tend to plan things around how to have a peaceful family experience. If the family is sitting down to eat, you don't put the two children next to each other that don't get along. If you have a road trip planned, you make sure you have plenty of snacks and coloring books (one for each child of course) so as to avoid fighting, and the dreaded question, "Are we there yet??" We basically try to set the atmosphere. Nothing is wrong with this.

Unless.

Unless you are stepping on the Holy Spirit's toes. (That's right, I just implied the Holy Spirit has toes.)

So...setting the atmosphere. That is HIS job. The Holy Spirit's. Not MINE.

I realized recently that in my attempt to control the atmosphere, I offended a friend. It then caused her to stumble, reacting angrily and bitterly toward me, and messing up what should've been a nice Bible study together.

I was more concerned with setting the atmosphere that I spoke without thinking and offended my friend. Now granted, my friend didn't exactly react in a godly fashion, she was quick to get angry, but I'm sharing MY lesson with you here. Had I just taken my concern to the Lord, the Author of the atmosphere, and prayed that HE would set the tone and provide peace for our study, then He would've done it, or He would've opened her eyes to the issue in His awesome God-way! He's the One that convicts, teaches and draws, not me.

I am reminded of the story of Mary and Martha. Martha was more concerned about making sure everyone was taken care of, than she was about listening to Jesus' teaching. When she called her sister Mary out in front of the Lord, He defended Mary saying "she has chosen the right thing, and it will not be taken from her." (Luke 10:38-42)

We must remember that even though God has given us a brain and abilities to multi-task, we are not meant to take it so far that we try and take over what the Holy Spirit is doing. We need to step back, stop controlling, and let Him do what only He can do, because THAT is when God moves the hearts of people. THAT is when true peace is experienced, and THAT is when we are able to be the best friend, sister, daughter, mother and/or wife we can be.

So take a lesson from me, release your control today. Ask the Holy Spirit to set the atmosphere for peace, and then watch what He does. Live in the freedom of His sovereign grace, instead of your silly human attempts to control the uncontrollable.

Believe me, it's a much better way to live.